Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
