I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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