I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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