Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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