How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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