Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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