Sry I called you an 8
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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