Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
