It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
