I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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