Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
