You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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