I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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