Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
