At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How does one acquire holy water?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
