I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
