I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
