I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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