you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
home. puking in laundry basket.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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