I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
