mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
