I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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