Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
