I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
