i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
