Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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