Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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