I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
