You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Rumble strips road head = magical
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
