my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
