I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
