Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
