I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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