Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
