he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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