Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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