I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
