someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
