I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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