I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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