***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
