I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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