Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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