I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
