i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
