I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
