Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
