the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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