i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
