I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
