Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
