apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
