You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
