dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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