i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
But we have bathrooms and they dont
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
