I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
