Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He has the fingertips of a God
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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