Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I could fuck to npr.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
