what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
