At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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