Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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