this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
