uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
