Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
